I needed to go to the washroom. I was on a plane flying from Shanghai to Hong Kong. As I was about to stand, I saw a tall man approaching the front of the aircraft; he attempted to use the lavatory designated for business class passengers. I assumed the crew would stop him, but no one did – even though a flight attendant saw him.

“Oh, they allowed it, probably because they understand the need and are considerate. Puwede pala,”  I told myself. Perhaps I’ll do the same then. I waited for the man to return to our economy mansion… I mean, section. I unbuckled my seat belt and headed to the front. I passed by the same flight attendant on the aisle and looked at her.

I tried to discover a glint of approbation in her eyes. I did not see any. Instead, she stopped me: “Sir, where are you going?” she asked. “The washroom,” I replied. “Please remain in your section; those are for business class passengers only,” she quickly responded.

“Can’t you see how I’m walking now? I’m taking small steps to avoid bursting my water bladder!”  Alright, I didn’t say that. Although my emotions were starting to build, what I really said was, “Yes, ma’am, I know, but there is a long queue at the back. I’d appreciate it if you’d let me use this one; besides, you already permitted another man in our section to use the loo here.”

I was polite, but she responded as if she had prepared for this scene like an actress ready for her next take. “Sir, stay in your section – we have not allowed anyone from economy to use the business class toilets.” 

“I said loo, not toilets. And what did you mean you haven’t allowed anyone? A tall man went there and you said nothing. You’re a liar!” Of course, those were only in my mind again (I didn’t say them). My chest wanted to explode (and my water bladder too). 

My future has nothing to do with what I feel today

– Ron

But then, I realised that it would be useless to argue. The best thing to do was to control my emotions. Rules are rules. I will abide by them, even if some people who apply them choose to bend them for some.

I also had no plan to waste any more time. Getting in line at the back was the best solution to release the tension (and the water) inside me as soon as possible. So, I simply said to the monster… I mean, the lady, “Okay.” Then I walked away and queued. I got hold of my emotions. 

Fifteen minutes later, I was back in my seat. I was calm and resting. And it got me thinking, if I’d have let my emotions (anger, vindictiveness, implacability) get the better of me, I could have said some mean words; perhaps things could have even turned ugly.

The flight attendant might have upset me, and I thought she was being unfair, but that was just my conclusion. Besides, what happened was just part of the challenges we all regularly face; it was not worth letting go of all my emotions. 

I also realised that I did not know all the facts. What if she was telling the truth? I did not actually see the man opening the door of the front toilets and going in – I just saw him heading there.

Emotions

Our emotions are part of our lives. We laugh, we cry, and we hold relationships because of emotions. But how do we use our emotions and subordinate them to our thinking? 

First, we should know and understand this fact: Emotion has no ability to rationalise, think, apply wisdom, or realise positive actions that can solve problems. 

Emotion can get us into trouble if we aren’t aware of this. If we let our emotions control us, we will not realise the full potential of the great person we can be. We are chained to our emotions if we always submit to our feelings.

I am sure we have heard countless stories of people who let themselves fall into bitter fights and conflicts because they could not control themselves.

How many broken families resulted from emotions flying all over the ceilings of a home? 

How many people landed in jail because emotions were their masters?

How many have lost their jobs because emotions played vital roles in decision-making?

How many hurtful words have we spoken because we felt upset?

How many actions have we taken and regretted later because our emotions took over?

We are responsible for the results of all our actions. The word ‘responsibility’ is ‘response-ability’ – our ability to respond correctly. A person not controlled by emotions will not blame the circumstances nor fault others if something goes wrong. If we are not careful, and if we are not diligent in understanding how our feelings can influence our actions, then emotions might create a shipwreck in our lives.

Our emotions might also mislead us to think it is alright to shout back, to retaliate, to say bad words, to cheat back, to lie back, to treat others with disrespect, to deal with people with contempt, or to wish bad things upon the people who wronged us. But is that how we want to remember ourselves years from now? That we were slaves to our emotions? That we were “emotional”?

Daily, we deal with colleagues, bosses, friends, families, strangers, etc. We don’t always fall into smooth and fair situations. But when dealing with these circumstances, we should always think before we do or say anything. 

We must use our emotions to trigger us to think. Our feelings are not intended for emotional negativities such as unreasonable anger, fear, anxiety, bitterness, worry, hatred, bullheadedness, spite, or violence.

Our emotions are regular functions of our lives when we respond to something natural. For example, we enjoy good music; we are happy because of a beautiful event; we are sad or angry when something uneventful happens. 

Emotions are not normal when they cause us to hurt ourselves or others. Emotions are neither practical nor helpful when they cause us to make or say things we regret. 

Emotions should always be subordinate to thinking because emotion does not contain common sense or a set of vocabularies that we can utilise to think and make decisions.

So next time we find ourselves in what we perceive as an unfair situation (and we think that the unfairness is on us), and if that song by the Bee Gees – ‘It’s just emotion that’s taking me over’ – is playing soundly in the corner of our brain, let us always make sure that we stop first and think.