Pondering the struggles we have been through to get to where we are today can be a great source of gratitude and pride – not only for ourselves, but for those who have helped us along the way. In the thick of despair, though, when it feels there is no way out of a desperate situation, it is not always easy to believe there are better days ahead.
Sometimes, we need to remind ourselves: no matter how bleak the current chapter, the book is not finished yet.
Anna Rose Autor – known to her millions of followers as Sexy Beshie – has felt chapter upon chapter of this despair throughout most of her adult life. “Labandera ang aming nanay at ang tatay naman namin ay karpentero sa South Cotabato. Pangarap ko noon ang maging isang caregiver sa Canada para makatulong ako sa aking magulang at lima kong kapatid. Kaya nag-abroad muna ako sa Abu Dhabi para magka-experience. Kahit ayaw niya na umalis ako, binenta ng tatay ko ang aming nag-iisang baka para makatulong sa aking application,” [My mother washed clothes for a living, while my father was a carpenter in South Cotabato. My dream was to be a caregiver in Canada so I could help my parents and my five siblings; I tried my luck in Abu Dhabi first to gain work experience abroad. Even though he did not want me to leave, my father sold our only cow to help pay for my application] she shares.
“Nakarating din ako ng Abu Dhabi pero dalawang linggo lang ako sa una kong employer. Sobrang pananakit ang ginawa ng aking babae na amo, pinakamalala ay noong plinantsa niya ang aking kamay. Kaya umalis ako at nakaswerte naman ako dahil ‘yung aking pangalawang employer ay napakabait na paediatrician. Anim na taon ako sa kanila, ako na din nagpalaki sa tatlo nilang anak. Binayaran niya din ang aking training at certification para sa First Aid.” [I arrived in Abu Dhabi, but I only got two weeks into my new employment, as my female employer physically abused me every day. The worst was when she used a clothes iron to burn my hand. So I left. But I got lucky with my second employer, who was a paediatrician. I stayed with them for six years; their three children grew up with me. They even paid for my First Aid training and certificate.]
Her dream of being a caregiver still in her mind, Anna came to Hong Kong in September 2014, where it was easier to apply to Canada. Her employer was kind enough, but they had her working in their family restaurant. She was apprehensive, as it was in breach of her MDW Employment Contract, but she could not protest for fear of her employer terminating her. She was arrested just seven months later, when there was a raid for illegal workers around the area. She was imprisoned for over a month.
Determined not to give up, Anna applied for refugee status just before her release in June 2015. While waiting for the Immigration Department to approve her application, she had no means of income or shelter. “Pagka-release sa akin, wala kong pera, wala akong pagkain, wala akong matuluyan. Kaya tumuloy muna ako sa 24-hours na McDonald’s sa Central ng ilang araw para makapag-isip ako ng susunod ko na mga hakbang. Pag may nag-iiwan ng tira nilang pagkain, sinesimplehan kong kunin at iyon ang aking pagkain. Awang-awa ako sa sarili ko, sobrang baba ng pakiramdam ko ng mga oras na iyon. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, kaya ko itong pagtiisan dahil ito naman ang ginusto ko. Kahit hanggang ngayon, hindi ko masikmurang kumain sa McDo dahil sa mga alaala ko nung panahon na iyon,” [Upon my release, I had no money, no food, and nowhere to stay. So I stayed at a 24-hour McDonald’s in Central for a few days, just to think about my next steps. Whenever someone left behind their leftover food, I would discreetly take it; that would be my meal. I felt so much pity for myself; my morale was incredibly low during those times. But I told myself: I can endure this, because this is what I wanted. Even up until now, I can’t stomach eating at McDo because of my memories from that time] she says while tearing up.
Homeless and unemployed, Anna began queuing up in the early hours of the morning outside the footbridge at the old Wan Chai Immigration offices on behalf of MDWs renewing their contracts, in exchange for a few dollars. Once she had saved enough to buy a kettle, a thermos, and a few sachets of coffee, she started selling cups of coffee to those in the queue. In the evenings, she would sleep near the Wan Chai stadium. “Malinis at hindi gaano ka-busy ang mga public toilets doon kaya natutulog din ako doon noon kasi malapit sa Immigration Tower,” [The public toilets there were clean and not too busy, so I also used to sleep there back then because it was also close to the Immigration Tower] she recalls.
Upon my release, I had no money, no food, and nowhere to stay. So I stayed at a 24-hour McDonald’s in Central for a few days, just to think about my next steps. Whenever someone left behind their leftover food, I would discreetly take it; that would be my meal. I felt so much pity for myself; my morale was incredibly low during those times. But I told myself: I can endure this, because this is what I wanted
– Anna, on becoming homeless after her release, after being imprisoned for a month for working illegally in her employer’s shop
Anna saved every single dollar she got from queuing and selling coffee; she even started selling coffee outside Worldwide House after the morning rush at the Immigration Towers died down. She would sleep in several different places, never staying too long in one area for safety. “Natulog ako sa Chater Road, sa Tsim Sha Tsui harbourfront, at sa Victoria Park. Diyos lang ang talagang naging tahanan ko sa aking puso. Nag-umpisa na din akong maging taga-reserve ng BBQ spots sa Deep Water Bay. Binibigyan din ako ng pagkain ng mga kapwa Pilipino na nagbabarbeque doon. Madami ding mababait at minsan sumasali ako sa kasiyahan nila. Naging parang ‘Dora the homeless explorer’ ako dahil kung saan saan ako napadpad noong homeless ako for a year!” [I slept at Chater Road, at the Tsim Sha Tsui harbourfront, and at Victoria Park. God was my only home in my heart. I also started reserving BBQ spots for Filipinos at Deep Water Bay for a few dollars. Fellow Filipinos who were barbecuing there would also give me food. There were many kind people, and sometimes they would invite me to join in on their fun. I became like ‘Dora the homeless explorer’ because I ended up in all sorts of places when I was homeless for a year!] laughs Anna.
This ability to find humour in her struggles, alongside her typical bluntness, is what makes Anna popular with her social media audience. Her wide variety of content includes dancing, brand sponsorships, travelling, daily updates about her life, and comments on current events. Her street-tough brashness and outspoken views (she is a firm supporter of former Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte, for example, who is currently on trial at the International Criminal Court at The Hague, Netherlands) also often rub some people the wrong way; very public negative comments about the way she talks, dresses, and acts garner her detractors thousands of views.
Natulog ako sa Chater Road, sa Tsim Sha Tsui harbourfront, at sa Victoria Park. Diyos lang ang talagang naging tahanan ko sa aking puso. Naging parang ‘Dora the homeless explorer’ ako dahil kung saan saan ako napadpad noong homeless ako for a year!
[I slept at Chater Road, at the Tsim Sha Tsui harbourfront, and at Victoria Park. God was my only home in my heart. I became like ‘Dora the homeless explorer’ because I ended up in all sorts of places when I was homeless for a year!]
An often-polarising figure herself, Anna maintains that political views should not divide Filipinos, but that they should be united in making the Philippines a better place. “Magkakaiba man pananaw natin sa buhay, dapat matuto tayong magkaisa. Laging sinasabi ng tatay ko sa akin na ang bawat kilos natin ay dapat iniisip natin na wala tayong sinasaktan na ibang tao. Pilipino naman tayong lahat, dapat iangat natin ang bawat isa,” [Even if our perspectives in life are different, we must learn to unite. My late father always told me that with every action we take, we should make sure we aren’t hurting other people. We are all Filipinos after all; we should lift each other up] she says.
During the 128th Philippine Independence Day celebrations last June 14th, Anna took to the stage at Chater Road, Central – a spot where she used to spend some of her nights when she was homeless – to sing Sampaguita’s Nosi Ba Lasi, whipping up the crowd into a fun chorus. After her performance, a storm of both praise and criticism flooded social media about her choice of clothing. Countless content creators and posts were made, collectively garnering millions of views online.
“Hindi ako masyadong pumupunta ng Chater Road kasi naaalala ko lang ‘yung hirap ng pagtulog ko doon noon. Sa mga panahon na iyon, nalaman ko kung sino ‘yung mga tunay ko na kaibigan. Kaya pagdating sa mga bashers ko, wala silang masasabi na makakapag-down sa akin. Ang negativity nila walang wala kumpara sa mga pinagdaanan ko,” [I don’t usually go to Chater Road because it reminds me of how hard it was sleeping there back then. During those times, I found out who my true friends were. So when it comes to my bashers, there is nothing they can say that can bring me down. Their negativity is nothing compared to what I’ve been through] Anna shares, from the comfort of her living room in Lithuania, where she is travelling during our interview.
After a year, the Immigration Department finally accepted Anna’s application for refugee status, granting her a room to stay (HK$1,500 paid directly to the landlord) and a small stipend of grocery vouchers that barely covered her food and other necessities. Cash is rarely given to refugee applicants.
That was just the beginning of her years-long struggle, as she was still not legally allowed to work full-time or take up any employment. In 2020, after five years of living on the brink of poverty and not being able to see her family, her homesickness and hopelessness were becoming more unbearable with each passing day (refugee applicants are not allowed to leave the country while their case is still pending). Finally, she decided it was time to give up and head back to the Philippines.
Anna’s heart was heavy. Despite her struggles, she loved Hong Kong and found it difficult to say goodbye to the city that had given her a chance, and to all the people who had helped her along the way. She especially loved the nature trails, beaches, and islands, which she would frequent when she had time in between her striving to earn money. So, on what would have been her final few days before she left, she headed to Sai Kung, one of the few places she had yet to visit. “Habang nakatingin ako sa dagat sa Sai Kung, ang bigat talaga ng loob ko. Inisip ko lahat ng pinagdaanan ko; ‘yung mga oras na wala akong matulugan, walang makain, kung paano ko sinakripisyo ang limang taon na hindi kapiling ang aking pamilya. Pero hindi ko na talaga kayang mamuhay ng hindi sigurado ang aking kinabukasan. Wala na akong magagawa. Kaya umiyak nalang ako. ‘Yung iyak na masakit sa dibdib, hagulhol na tuloy tuloy ang luha,” [While looking out to sea in Sai Kung, my heart felt so heavy. I thought about everything I had been through; those times when I had nowhere to sleep, nothing to eat, and the sacrifice of five years away from my family. But I really couldn’t go on living with an uncertain future anymore. There was nothing more I could do. So I just cried. The kind of crying that aches in your chest, sobbing with tears flowing endlessly] Anna reminisces through the tears.
At that moment, a kind stranger approached her with a concerned look on his face. He asked if she was alright or if she needed help. With the numbness she felt, she shared with him what she was going through. After listening intently, he introduced himself and asked if she wanted to sit down for a coffee. That is how she met her husband, Saul.
Anna and Saul quickly fell for each other, giving Anna a renewed sense of hope and a new lease of life. After dating for a year, Saul offered to marry her so she could finally receive the proper papers to live and work legally in Hong Kong. Anna refused. She wanted him to marry her, not because she needed help, but because he loved her. So she told him to propose to her only if he was sure he loved her and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. One year later, under a full moon, away from the cameras that were fast becoming her daily life, he got on one knee and asked her to marry him. Anna said yes, without hesitation.
On September 30th, 2023, they got married. She gazed out of the 21st floor of the iconic Peninsula hotel; while having her wedding make-up done, she saw the exact spot on the Tsim Sha Tsui harbourfront where she used to sleep rough all those years ago. Tears came hard and fast. “Hindi ako makapaniwala kung saan ako. Parang panaginip ang lahat. Nagdasal ako sa Diyos ng pasasalamat dahil simula’t sa umpisa, pinaubaya ko ang buhay ko sa kanya at hindi niya ako pinabayaan. Pinagsabihan ako ng makeup artist ko dahil uulitin nanaman niya makeup ko,” [I couldn’t believe where I was. Everything felt like a dream. I offered a prayer of thanks to God because right from the start, I entrusted my life to Him, and He never abandoned me. My make-up artist scolded me because they had to redo my make-up again] laughs Anna.
Anna’s father passed away from cancer in February 2023, just a few weeks away from her scheduled visit to the Philippines. They had not seen each other in person for seven years. She was on a video call with him, and he was telling her to keep in mind everything he had told her over the years: how to live life in service rather than hurting others. He passed away mid-call.
Stepping foot into the airport in the Philippines, Anna was not the same person who had left all those years ago, but some things had never changed: she had retained her resilience and still carried what she had learned from her father close to her heart. She spent a month with her mother and siblings, reconnecting with her family. Her four brothers are now police officers, while her sister is in hotel and restaurant management. Her father is buried in their ancestral land, next to the family home. She visited his grave every day while she was in the Philippines, to talk to him and reminisce.
Nowadays, in between her busy schedule of connecting with her audience, looking after her husband, travelling, and just enjoying her new life, she still finds time to slow down and be grateful. “If you are going through difficulties in your life, don’t lose hope. Close your eyes and listen to God. Listen to your heart. A lot of people will tell you that you can’t do it; sometimes you will also doubt yourself. Pero ‘wag na ‘wag kang mawawalan ng pag-asa (but never ever lose hope),” smiles Anna, ang Beshie ng Bayan.
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