Longing for home or somewhere familiar is a natural feeling. Humans have been living in communities for as long as we have existed.  Safety in numbers, division of duties, group hunting, childminding, storytelling, and many other tasks that our early ancestors depended on for survival have become central to our need to belong – in a community, a family, a home. 

In modern times, our need to be close to family, friends, and people we trust brings us comfort, motivation, and connectedness. Migration due to work, study, or conflict can disrupt our carefully curated nest and support system, which in turn can lead to homesickness, sometimes spiralling into anxiety and depression.

“Homesickness is very normal, especially if we have dependents back home. The mother-child bond is one of the strongest familial bonds there is, so when a mother has to leave her child for work abroad, feeling homesick and sad about being far from home is very normal,” says Dr. Nimisha Vandan, Co-Founder of Okay Minds, a program for emotional first aid, stress management, and the development of emotional intelligence and mental resiliency.

Dr. Vandan explains the cycle of experiencing and adapting to homesickness: “First is culture change or culture shock. This can be a variety of unfamiliar changes in work culture, food culture, or societal culture. If a person is unacquainted with these new surroundings, it can cause feelings of sadness and loneliness.”

Finding yourself in an unfamiliar environment can feel daunting. Being surrounded by a foreign language can also have an impact, especially when confronted with a situation where communication difficulties arise. 

“Noong bago lang ako sa aking employer, inaalagaan ko ang nanay niya na matanda. Akala ko lagi syang galit sa akin kasi yung tono ng boses niya at medyo pasigaw. ‘Yun pala, ganon lang si Popo magsalita, hindi naman siya galit. Ngayon, nagbibiruan na kami. Magkasundong makasundo kami,” [When I first started working for my employer, I looked after her elderly mother. I thought she was annoyed with me because of the tone of her voice, as she sometimes talked to me with a raised voice. But this was not the case, this was just Popo’s normal way of speaking, she wasn’t annoyed with me at all. Now, we joke around together. We get on very well] says Melinda, a migrant domestic worker (MDW) who has been working in Hong Kong for more than a year.

Changes in food can also affect homesickness. Whether your home-cooked favourite is sinigang, soto ayam, khichdi, kottu, or pad thai, not eating the dishes you grew up with, or encountering flavours you are unaccustomed to, can add to the feeling of missing home. “I am quite lucky as I can get most ingredients from the Indian shops [in Hong Kong] to make a lot of the food from my hometown,” shares Eudiya Gurung, a Kalimpong, West Bengal native who currently works as a MDW on Lamma Island. “But one thing I really miss is fambi, a dish with jelly-like cubes made from moong dal (mung bean) flour and covered in a lovely chilli sauce! It is a famous street food from my hometown,” says Eudiya.

“Next comes something called the honeymoon period,” Dr. Vandan continues. “This typically happens during the first few weeks of the move or change. You start to explore your new surroundings a bit more and your senses are often overwhelmed, especially in a city like Hong Kong. Everything is new and exciting.” 

But after this ‘honeymoon period’, the reality of the distance from family and friends starts to sink in, with this stage also typically giving rise to feelings of sadness and anxiety. It can feel intense, which is why communication with loved ones during this time is essential. This is where the long-distance bonds serve as motivation to persevere.

“Adaptation happens after the period of sadness and anxiety. Employees start to understand their employers better, and vice versa. The initial shock and realisation of being away from home wears off and a sense of purpose strengthens your resolve,” shares Dr. Vandan.

When adjusting to a new working environment, difficulties with adaptation can occur if support systems are inadequate. When employees don’t feel a rapport with their employers or colleagues, coupled with the added strain of not being close to loved ones, it can lead to loneliness, anxiety, and even depression.

During her first few months, Melinda also had trouble adapting to her new life in Hong Kong: “Mga dalawang linggo ang nakalipas mula pagdating ko ng Hong Kong nang makaramdam ako ng matinding lungkot at sobrang pagkamiss sa aking anak at asawa. Wala pa akong mga kaibigan dito at sa day-off ko, naglalakad lang ako na walang patutunguhan. Umupo nalang ako sa may park at tinawagan ko ang aking pamilya. Pagkatapos ng aming tawag, umiyak ako ng umiyak.” [Two weeks had passed since I arrived in Hong Kong when I felt a deep sadness and longing for my child and husband. I didn’t have any friends here yet, so when it was time for my day off, I wandered aimlessly. I eventually sat in a park and called up my family. After our call, I cried and cried.]

“Pero paglipas din ng ilang linggo, may mga nakilala ako na mga kapwa Pinoy, magkakaibigan pa din kami hanggang ngayon. Kapag off namin, magkakasama kami mamasyal o magpahinga. Nagdadala din kami ng mga lutong bahay na pinagsasaluhan namin. Lagi ko ding kausap ang pamilya ko, kaya kahit na mimiss ko sila araw-araw, palagay ang loob ko,” [But after a couple of weeks, I met some fellow Pinoys who I am still good friends with up to this day. On our days off, we hang out, go for walks, or just rest somewhere. We also make home-cooked meals that we share. I call my family often, and even though I miss them every day, my mind is at peace] shares Melinda with a smile.

According to Dr. Vandan, if feelings of sadness persist for more than two weeks, emotional and mental distress can manifest itself in four physical symptoms: too much or too little sleep; binge eating or no appetite; no interest or energy to do things you used to enjoy; and ignoring or severing social connections. If you find yourself experiencing these symptoms, it is time to seek professional help; clinical depression and/or anxiety should be addressed by professionals as medical intervention may be needed.

Stay connected with your loved ones

One of the best ways to combat homesickness is to stay in touch with your family and friends back home. Make regular phone calls, send messages, and video chat with them regularly to maintain a sense of connection. Sharing your experiences, thoughts, and feelings with your loved ones can help you feel less lonely and isolated. Expressing loneliness and sadness can be equally as soothing as sharing joys and triumphs.

Explore your new surroundings

Embrace the opportunity to explore your new environment and immerse yourself in the local culture. Take walks around the neighbourhood, visit nearby attractions, and try new foods to experience the unique aspects of your host country. Engaging in new activities can help distract you from feelings of homesickness and broaden your horizons.

Establish a support network

Surround yourself with supportive and understanding people in your new environment. Build relationships with co-workers, neighbours, and other migrant workers who can empathise with your situation. Joining one of the many community groups can provide you with a sense of belonging and camaraderie while signing up for some of the numerous workshops and training courses offered through local NGOs and government programmes provide opportunities to learn new skills and meet like-minded individuals. These networks can make it easier to adapt to the challenges of living away from home.

Stay busy and active

Keep yourself busy with work, hobbies, or social activities to prevent feelings of boredom and loneliness from setting in. Maintaining a routine and staying active can help you stay focused and productive, giving you a sense of purpose and fulfilment. Don’t lose sight of your motivation.

Practice self-care

Take care of your physical and emotional well-being by prioritising self-care practices. Make time for exercise, healthy meals, and relaxation to keep your body and mind in good shape. Remember, mindfulness, meditation, or yoga to reduce stress and anxiety work best if you also address any underlying issues or feelings you have. As Dr. Vandan reminds us, “Start with addressing these emotions with a positive outlook and behavioural or attitude changes. Sadness and loneliness stem from your mind, and the answer to being resilient also lies in your mind.”

Create a familiar environment

Bring a few personal items from home, such as photos, mementos, or favourite snacks, to make your living space feel more familiar and comforting. Plan your space in a way that reflects your personality and style, so you can create a sense of home wherever you go.

By implementing these strategies and tips, you can effectively deal with homesickness as a migrant worker and make the most of your experience living and working abroad. Remember that homesickness is a temporary feeling that will eventually subside as you adapt to your new surroundings and create a fulfilling life for yourself. Stay positive, stay connected, and stay resilient in the face of homesickness.