Long-distance relationships can be defined as two people sharing a close and personal relationship, albeit with the additional complication of geographical distance. No doubt, maintaining a long-distance relationship is not without its challenges, requiring an additional level of dedication and commitment versus more “conventional” relationships. 

There are a wide variety of reasons why two people in a relationship may find themselves apart, though in the migrant domestic worker community – where most of the population are women – the primary reason tends to be earning opportunities; the chance to earn a higher salary than back in their home countries. 

While many such relationships stand the test of time and distance, there are some that don’t make it. Issues related to trust, finances, commitment, communication, or need for intimacy can play a part, alongside many other reasons.

“Si Adolfo ‘yung first love ko noong dalaga pa ako. Pero nang malipat siya ng trabaho, hanggang nagpunta na siya sa Saudi, hindi na kami nagkita. Hindi kami nagkatuluyan,” [Adolfo was my first love. But when he got transferred for a job, and eventually left for Saudi Arabia, we lost contact. We didn’t get a chance to be together] shares Maripaz Dioso Alan, known as ‘Marie’ to her friends.

“Hanggang sa nagkapag-asawa ako ng iba nang 2010, at paglipas ng taon, nagkaroon kami ng dalawang anak habang nagsasama kami. Hindi ko na inisip si Adolfo,” [I eventually married someone else in 2010, my husband and I had two children together. I stopped thinking about Adolfo] she says.

Marie came to Hong Kong in 2016 to work as a migrant domestic worker. During her time away from her family, she and her husband started having problems in their relationship. She was sure that he was being unfaithful to her and they had many fights about it. But through communication, and a desire to be together as a family, they patched things up. Their relationship was going well until 2019, when tragedy struck.

“March 2019 nang maaksidente ang aking asawa; nahulog siya habang nagwewelding at ito ang kanyang ikinamatay,” [It was March of 2019 when my husband got into an accident; he fell from a height while welding and died from his injuries], Marie recollects. 

The family mourned the loss of a husband and father, but Marie knew that life had to go on; she went back to Hong Kong to continue working, to earn a living for herself and her children. 

Two years after her husband’s death, out of the blue, Marie received a message online from Adolfo, her first love. They reconnected, and after months of courting, Marie found her love for Adolfo rekindling. They soon found themselves in a committed long-distance relationship.

“Madalas kami mag-usap hanggang sa nagkadevelop ulit kami and until now,

hindi nawawala sa amin iyung communication parehas kasi kami nang gusto at araw-araw kaming nag-uusap,” [We chatted online a lot in the beginning, until we developed feelings for each other, and even until now, communication is always there, because we both know that we want to keep talking every day] Marie shares.

Long-distance relationships can be challenging, but with effort, communication, and trust, they can also be incredibly rewarding. Maintaining a good relationship when far apart requires dedication from both partners, and a willingness to prioritise each other, despite the physical distance. 

Melody “Ody” Munson married young. She was 15 years old when she gave birth to their first child. Her and her partner had two children during their time together, but their relationship was tumultuous, and there were problems from the start. After a few years, her husband abandoned his young family. They never heard from him again.

“I have always been a tough woman. I knew I could overcome any challenge life would throw at me,” says Ody, Founder of the migrant community group, Horizons, author, and public speaker. But after a challenging few years, Ody’s luck was about to change.

“I met Devin through an online language exchange website around 2008. We hit it off right away, but even though we really liked each other, we didn’t officially become a couple until 2009,” says Ody.

The attraction was strong even though they were thousands of miles apart; Devin lives in Maryland, USA, while Ody lives in Hong Kong. They talked every day, through messaging, voice calls, and video calls. They nurtured their relationship with communication, care, and affection for each other. In 2011, they met for the first time in-person in the Philippines, where he met Ody’s family and asked for her hand in marriage.

“Devin got along with my family really well. They were glad to see me have someone who takes care of me,” Ody says. She visited Devin and his family in 2015 and likewise won their hearts. Devin knew that Ody was special; she was wife material and gave his life meaning. So, Ody began the long process of annulling her previous marriage.

It took more than 5 years for the annulment to be approved through the Philippine courts, but all that time, even until now, Ody and Devin have maintained a relationship built on trust, commitment, love, and respect for one another. They finally wed in 2018 here in Hong Kong.

What advice do Marie and Ody have for those in long-distance relationships? “Dapat nandoon lagi iyung tiwala sa isa’t isa at stay connected kahit na busy kayo pareho sa work. Hindi din dapat nawawala ‘yung communication at dapat give and take kayo. Iwasan ang mga bagay na pwedeng makasira sa relasyon, kasi ang tukso nandiyan lang,” [Trust for one another always needs to be there and to stay connected even if you are both busy with work. Communication should not stop, and you both need to give and take. Avoid things that may ruin the relationship, because temptation is always around the corner] says Marie.

 “Hindi mo pwedeng sakalin ang asawa mo,” [You can’t choke or be too strict with your husband] Ody says with a playful laugh. “Kailangang bigyan mo din siya ng freedom, kagaya ng ibibigay niya din sa iyo. Kung nandiyan naman ang respeto at pagmamahal, hindi ka dapat nag-aalala kung mapagkakatiwalaan mo siya. [You need to give him freedom, like he would give you as well. If you have respect and love for each other, you shouldn’t worry if you can trust him or not] Do things that make your husband love you – give back to the community, and most importantly, take care of yourself.”

Communication is key

Communication becomes even more important when you are far apart. Make an effort to check in regularly with your partner through phone calls, video chats, texts, and emails. Share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences with each other to stay connected and bridge the physical gap between you. Setting aside dedicated time for communication can also help ensure that both partners feel heard and supported.

Trust and honesty 

Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship, and this is especially true in long-distance relationships. Both partners must be honest and transparent with each other to build a strong foundation of trust. Be open about your concerns and insecurities, and encourage your partner to do the same. Trusting each other will help ease any insecurities or doubts that may arise due to the distance between you.

Plan visits 

Physical proximity is an important aspect of any relationship, so make an effort to plan regular visits to see each other in person. This will give you the opportunity to create new memories, strengthen your bond, and maintain intimacy despite the distance. MDW employment contracts last for two years, and even if it takes that long before you see each other, make plans and talk about what you will do when you spend time with them. This gives you both something to look forward to and help keep the spark alive in your relationship.

Set goals and expectations 

It is important to discuss your goals and expectations for the relationship early on to ensure that you are on the same page. Talk about your long-term plans, how often you expect to communicate, and how you will handle disagreements or conflicts. Setting clear boundaries and expectations will help prevent misunderstandings and foster a sense of stability and security in your relationship.

Support each other’s individual growth 

While it’s important to prioritise your relationship, it is also crucial to support each other’s individual goals and aspirations. Encourage each other to pursue your passions, hobbies, and interests, and celebrate each other’s achievements and milestones. By supporting each other’s personal growth, you can strengthen your bond and create a sense of mutual respect and admiration.

Be patient and understanding

Long-distance relationships require patience, understanding, and flexibility. It is normal to experience challenges and setbacks along the way, but working together to overcome them can help strengthen your relationship. Be patient with each other, communicate openly about your feelings, and be willing to compromise when necessary. Remember that distance is just a temporary obstacle, and with patience and effort, you can build a strong and lasting relationship despite the physical distance.