One of the most significant struggles single mothers face is financial instability. Without a second income to rely on, single mothers from developing countries like the Philippines, Indonesia, and Sri Lanka are compelled to leave their children in order to provide for them, sometimes for years at a time.
“When I left my son he was only seven years old, but I had no choice, as I couldn’t find work in the Philippines,” shares Nelda Villaflore, an ambassador for the migrant NGO, PathFinders. Nelda’s son is now twenty years old; she has worked as a MDW in Hong Kong for many years, which has allowed her to financially support him through childhood.
The standard employment contract for migrant workers in Hong Kong is valid for two years. Although the Immigration Department requires MDWs to return to their home country under the terms of each contract, many opt to defer their home leave due to the additional financial burden, meaning some may not have been home for three years or even longer.
While employers are required to cover the cost of flights, trips home to visit friends and family can nonetheless prove quite expensive; they can often eat into savings, with some MDWs even resorting to borrowing money from lenders or their employers to fund their trips. Hence, many prefer to stay in Hong Kong, using the money instead to remit to their children and their children’s carers.
Alongside the high cost of childcare, and basic necessities such as food, tuition fees, electricity etc., the relentless financial demands of being a single parent can quickly become overwhelming.
However, many single mothers nonetheless demonstrate remarkable strength and determination in providing for their families. MDWs have proven to be resilient and resourceful in overcoming their difficulties, taking the necessary steps to ensure that their children are growing up in a loving and stable environment, even from afar.
“The first difficulty [I faced] was financial – for this reason I decided to return to work and go to Hong Kong,” says Galuh Nurviansyah, an Indonesian MDW who has been working in Hong Kong since 2020. Galuh’s husband died when their daughter was just one year old.
“Next was filling both roles as mother and father for my daughter. My role as a mother was all shouldered by my parents; I played only a small part of being her mother, maybe only 1%. But I got a lot of help from my parents, family, and friends,” she shares. Aside from working as a MDW, Galuh also volunteers her spare time helping her fellow migrants as an ambassador for PathFinders.
Emotional stress and loneliness can be crushing. The absence of a partner to share the burden of parenting with can be isolating, leaving single mothers feeling overloaded and depleted. “Being a single mom is tough and difficult. I do not have anyone to share the burden of providing for and directing my three kids, especially they are all girls,” shares Rodelyn Tabadda. Rodelyn (also known by her pen name, shadesNpens) a member of Migrant Writers of Hong Kong, is a published poet, whose work was recently featured in Ingat: An Anthology of Works by MDW Creatives in Hong Kong.
“I have been working in Hong Kong since 2003. My original goal was to save as much as I could and retire by 2011. Unfortunately, my second child was diagnosed with a rare type of cancer in 2009. My savings all went to her treatment; I even had to take out bank loans to cover the growing costs. My eldest daughter had to stop schooling to look after her sister. It all hit me like a hurricane. It was devastating and has blown away my dreams,” says Rodelyn.
The first difficulty [I faced] was financial, for this reason I decided to return to work and go to Hong Kong. Next is filling both roles as mother and father for my daughter. My role as a mother was all shouldered by my parents, and I played a small part of being her mother, maybe only 1%. But I got a lot of help from my parents, family and friends
– Galuh Nurviansyah
“2012 came around and I was starting to hope for my dreams again. But sadly, my daughter’s cancer came back. Then my husband left me for another woman. The pain was excruciating. I was totally lost and wanted to end my sufferings,” she shares.
Despite these challenges, many single mothers find solace in building a strong support network of family and friends. NGOs like PathFinders, Help For Domestic Workers, Uplifters, Enrich, TCK Learning Centre, and many more provide a community where MDWs not only connect with their peers, but also have the opportunity to learn new skills and go on to empower others. Some NGOs also provide counselling or arrange group gatherings to help MDWs navigate the emotional complexities of migrant life.
Migrant community groups can also be an important source of strength and belonging. There are a wide range of different groups formed for a multitude of purposes: sharing a province of origin, dancing, arts and writing, sports, fighting for MDW rights, and many more. “Joining the community and learning by sharing each other’s stories with respect, love and care helped me a lot. I learned to apply to oneself to empower and enhance our knowledge,” Nelda shares.
There is power in our goals, it inspires us to live, to have determination. There is contentment in our success. My sole ambition for my kids has been achieved. We worked together to make ends meet. Now, my three beautiful children have fulfilling careers. I am a fulfilled mom
– Rodelyn Tabadda
No doubt, the journey of single parenthood is not an easy one, but those finding themselves in this position refuse to be defined by their circumstances. Through their determination, resourcefulness, and unconditional love for their offspring, single mothers prove that they are more than capable of thriving in the face of adversity. They advocate for themselves and their families, challenge societal norms, and serve as powerful role models for the their children in the process.
Single parenting is not without its challenges, but you should never feel like you’re all alone. Here is some advice and guidance from those who have experienced it first hand
Communication is the heart of all relationships
Being able to talk respectfully and without judgment is a good base point for any conversation. Make sure that children know that their voices and emotions also matter, and reassure them that even when far apart, the mother-child bond is strong and that they have a support system they can rely on in times of difficulty. “When my son gets sick or he’s maybe having a hard time with his studies, we always communicate by video call and we talk,” says Nelda.
Good communication with family members who are looking after your children back home is also crucial, as they act as their immediate safety net. They can give valuable insight into the home and school life of your children, as they are the ones dealing with the day-to-day routines and needs of the household. “Always ask for support from family and friends. Remember that our children, parents, and families are our source of strength to keep fighting,” Galuh shares.
Setting aside time each week to call or video chat with family members can help maintain strong bonds and relationships. Sending regular emails, texts, or letters can also be a meaningful way to keep in touch and share thoughts, feelings, and experiences with loved ones.
Health is wealth
The healthier we are, the more energy we have for connecting with our children back home, and the more mental space we have to deal with any hurdles we may encounter. Establish a routine that includes regular exercise and physical activity. This could involve engaging in activities such as walking, running, yoga, or following YouTube exercise tutorials. Making time for physical activity can not only improve physical health but also boost mental well-being by reducing stress and anxiety.
Maintaining a healthy diet is another essential aspect of overall well-being. Make informed food choices, opting for a balanced diet rich in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins, and stay hydrated. Avoid too much fast food, junk food, alcohol, or smoking.
Learn to prioritise mental health by seeking support and practicing self-care. This can include reaching out to local organisations or support groups, connecting with peers for social support, or seeking counselling or therapy if needed. Taking time for relaxation and mindfulness can also contribute to better mental health.
Love yourself
“You cannot pour from an empty cup,” reminds Catherine Gurtin, CEO of PathFinders, during one of our early meetings. This saying rings true in every aspect in our lives. Be kind to yourself. Listen to your body and mind, and learn what helps you find some inner peace. Engage in hobbies or pastimes that give you joy, whether watching a movie, going to church, hanging out with friends, or singing and dancing.
Set yourself goals, so you can focus your motivation, time, and resources on a clear target. “There is power in our goals, it inspires us to live, to have determination. There is contentment in our success. My sole ambition for my kids has been achieved. We worked together to make ends meet. Now, my three beautiful children have fulfilling careers. I am a fulfilled mom,” shares Rodelyn.
No matter how long migrant mothers and their children are apart, there is always love waiting for their reunion. The many lonely nights where sons and daughters have longed to be tucked in and kissed good night by their far away migrant worker mothers, will all be worth it once their hardworking nanay, ibu, mama, moms, are finally back home and her children’s futures secured. For now, they’ll no doubt be thinking ahead to the next time they feel their mother’s warm embrace.
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